Tiba-tiba saja saya ingin berpindah jendela, dari jendela
file thesis saya ke jendela ini. Terdistract lagi? Heheh. Enggak, saya lebih
suka mengatakannya mengambil jeda sejenak, akhir-akhir ini aktivitas saya tidak
jauh dari file-file thesis yang harus saya selesaikan segera. Sungguh menguras energi,
maka kalau sedang tidak menulis tesis saya biasanya lebih suka istirahat, masak,
makan, dan tidur. Makanya lama ya tidak menulis blog *ahah alasan lagi.
Tapi sore ini saya ingin mampir ke sini sejenak, menaruh
selintasan-selintas pikir yang banyak melintas hari ini. Biasanya kalau banyak
yang berseliweran di kepala, saya jadi “penuh”, maka demi kesehatan jiwa raga
saya lebih suka menuangkannya dalam bentuk tulisan. Makanya menulis itu semacam
kebutuhan (note : tapi bukan sejenis tulisan ilmiah seperti tesis atau
paper/jurnal ilmiah ya).
Sore ini saya masih asik di depan komputer di lab saya di
daerah Garscube, ditemani secangkir kopi yang sudah dingin. Saya membuatnya
tadi siang kala menikmati santap makan siang menghabiskan bekal saya.
Ada suatu hal hari ini yang membuat hati saya sedikit
tersentil sentil. Manusia, kadangkala memang layaknya membutuhkan penghargaan
dari orang lain. Ada keinginan-keinginan normal manusia yang kadang muncul
walau dalam bawah sadar kita. Manusia itu suka dipuji, dihargai, diacknowledge
kehadirannya di publik dan sebagainya. Dan hari ini saya belajar,
“ Kalaupun
tidak ada orang pun yang tahu, kalaupun tak disebar di media sosial ataupun di
ranah publik. Akankah kamu tetap melakukan apa yang ingin kau lakukan? Apakah tindakan-tindakanmu
itu membutuhkan pengakuan?
Ah, manusia. Bukankah kamu bisa mengukur ketulusan dan keikhlasanmu
saat hanya segelintir orang yang tau? Bukankah tindakan-tindakan yang kamu
lakukan sejatinya itu untuk dirimu sendiri?. Melakukan yang terbaik yang bisa
kamu lakukan. Setelah itu, apakah engkau masih membutuhkan pengakuan dari orang
lain? Hingga jangan-jangan mungkin saja kau melakukannya demi pengakuan orang
lain, demi puja puji dan sebagainya?
Kalimat di atas itu ditujukan untuk diri saya sendiri.
Ada satu detik di hari ini, pertanyaan itu datang pada saya.
Dan pada akhirnya saya tersenyum, hari ini saya belajar tentang ketulusan.
Akhir-akhir ini saya juga belajar beberapa hal lainnya. Salah satunya
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Ini sebenarnya pelajaran sudah lama sekali. Tapi butuh latihan yang terus
menerus, butuh diingatkan lagi. Hidup kita sehari hari dipenuhi polusi, seperti halnya polusi media,
polusi dari ponsel kita dan sebagaimannya. Si X upload blab la, Si Y share link
bla bla, ada yang media war, ah banyak sekali hal yang berseliweran dan hidup
kita tiap harinya. Kita memang perlu sering rejuvenating
diri, biar nggak kehabisan energi ehehe. Itulah sebabnya banyak pelajaran-pelajaran
yang harus kita latih terus menerus. Salah satunya itu tadi, berhenti
membandingkan diri sendiri dengan orang lain. Melihat si X upload foto keluarga
harmonis, foto-foto liburan bersama pasangan, si Y anaknya sudah masuk SD bla
bla dan lain sebagainya. Ada satu titik yang kadang secara bawah sadar, akan
membandingkan diri dengan orang lain.
Orang yang belum menikah kadang merasa terintimidasi dengan
upload-an/share orang yang sudah menikah. Orang yang belum mempunyai keturunan
pun bisa terintimidasi dengan postingan foto-foto anaknya sahabat atau orang
lain. Orang yang ukuran kebahagiaannya diletakkan pada harta akan merasa iri
kalau ada orang yang lebih kaya, lebih makmur dan sebagainya. Dan banyak lagi
lainnya.
Sebenarnya jatuhnya jadi tidak baik, karena muncul iri. Namun
ada sepersekian detik selintasan rasa tersebut kadang hadir. Inilah yang perlu
latihan terus menerus. Melihat
perjalanan dan banyak sekali keberkahan Tuhan yang diberikan pada diri ini, dan
melihat perjalanan orang lain sebagai teman seperjalanan yang beda jalur.
Setiap orang ada jatahnya sendiri-sendiri. Bukan membandingkan ladang orang
lain lebih “hijau”, lebih subur dan sebagainya, namun berupaya melihat
betapa hijau dan suburnya ladang kita sendiri. Dan berupaya untuk membuat
ladang kita lebih hijau dan lebih subur lagi hihi. Tuhan memberikan kelebihan juga
pada hal-hal yang berbeda beda tiap orangnya. Memang benar sih, kuncinya itu
lebih banyak bersyukur pada apa yang telah kita punyai.
"If you are content with what you have, you will have a happier life,"Rasanya cukup terus. Dan memang terasa lebih melegakan, membebaskan. Semoga terus menerus diingatkan untuk berlatih.
(Robert Walker)
Yang kedua, saya sering kali diingatkan untuk “Don’t take everything
for granted”. Apa ya enaknya dalam bahasa Indonesianya. Mungkin jangan
menganggap apa yang ada padamu, apa yang kamu peroleh, apa yang Tuhan berikan
padamu itu sebagai hal yang biasa saja. Ada beberapa hal yang biasanya kita
anggap “biasa” saja lama-lama akan
kehilangan keistimewaannya. Apakah kamu merasa mulai biasa saja kala bersama
pasangan? Tidak sadar bahwa setiap saat selalu berharga, kamu tidak tahu kan
Tuhan akan kasih kamu kesempatan sampai kapan? Begitu pula kontak dengan
orangtua, saudara, sahabat. Sampai kapan kamu diberi waktu bisa berupaya
berbakti pada orangtua?
Ketika sahabat kamu masih setia mendengarkan cerita, masih
sempat menyapa di sela-sela kesibukannya, itu istimewa. Ketika mulai menerapkan
“Don’t take everything for granted”, bersyukur jadi lebih ringan dan
mudah.
Ah, manusia itu sering lupa. Maka sebenarnya kalimat-kalimat
di atas seringkali sebenarnya untuk pengingat diri sendiri. Kadangkala membuka-buka
tulisan lagi, lalu merasa ditampar-tampar tulisan sendiri. Tapi mungkin itulah
salah satu kegunaan tulisan, sebagai pengingat.
Mari terus berjalan dengan perjalanan tiap kita
masing-masing.
Glasgow hari ini cerah, langitnya biru. Memang lebih enak ke
luar dan berjemur di bawah matahari, namun saya harus melanjutnya tulisan tesis
saya.
Salam, Garcube 10 June 2015
133 komentar:
Good luck for your thesis. *lanjutin tidur*
Barangkali, tulisan adalah kepingan2 jiwa yg seorang penulis lahirkan. Ia tumbuh, dan ketika penulis itu merasa lemah, jiwa-jiwa itu yang menegakan kembali semangatnya.
Hari-hari ini sempat aku sebal dengan pikiran yg bicara sendiri, seakan kena skizofrenia awal. Aku cari obatnya dengan membaca buku2, mendengarkan musik, jalan-jalan, tapi semua gagal. Dan ternyata, aku menemukan obatnya dari tulisan2 yg dulu aku buat sendiri.
"Mengapa manusia mampu merasa terberatkan? Kategori apakah : berat, ringan, pahit, manis, jauh, dekat, indah, buruk? Apakah perasaan? Apakah mungkin manusia menyingkirkan semua perasaan dan pikirannya, hingga ia hanya memiliki-Nya? Bagaimana cara itu? Apakah secara langsung, ketika nafsu terkering-tundukan?
Ah, menakutkan sekali manusia yang benar-benar kosong : tak bernafsu, tak merasa, tak berpikir." (Esai, Litasyqo) ^_^
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